A LITTLE HUMOR FOR THE NEW YEAR

New Year's Resolutions 

• My new years resolution is not to shovel snow. Since I'm gonna be in Florida, I feel pretty good about it.
• If you make a New Year's resolution to eat a healthy diet, and you keep it, you won't actually live longer, but it will seem longer.
• Youth is when you're allowed to stay up late on New Year's Eve. Middle age is when you're forced to.
• My new year's resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to Auld Lang Syne.
• A new year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. 

Fitness Resolutions Over The Years 

2011: I will get my weight down below 180. 
2012: I will watch my calories until I get below 190. 
2013: I will follow my new diet vigorously until I get below 200. 
2014: I will try to develop a realistic attitude about my weight. 
2015: I will work out 5 days a week. 
2016: I will work out 3 days a week. 
2017: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week. 

New Year's Wishes 

• May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count, and your mortgage interest not rise.
• May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the IRS.
• May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there, may you find a parking space.
• May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.
• May God bless you with every happiness, great health, peace, and much love during the new year and all those that follow.