Aye!
Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains, who had been friends for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and then blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his boat's mate, "What do they do that for?" The mate looked surprised and replied, "You mean that you've never heard of ... an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?"
Civic Minded
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, motorcycle boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. Trying to be diplomatic, Mom said, "Dear, he just doesn't seem like the all-American boy you've dated before. He's not really that nice." "Oh come on, Mom," replied the daughter. "If he wasn't that nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
How Efficient
I don't mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
Taster's Choice
College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. "What kind of pie do you call this?" asked one student indignantly to the cafeteria attendant. "What's it taste like?" asked the cook. "Glue!" "Then it's apple pie. The plum pie tastes like soap."
He's On The Couch Now
A husband went to buy a birthday gift for his wife. Some friends had been invited over that night to celebrate her fortieth, and he wanted to get something special. At the store he spotted some cute little music boxes. One blue one was playing "Happy Birthday." Thinking they were all the same, he chose a red one and had it gift-wrapped. Later, at dinner, he gave it to his wife and asked her to open it. When she lifted the lid, out came the tune to "The Old Gray Mare, She Ain't What She Used to Be!"
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