SOMETHING TO LAUGH AT

On the Lighter Side

How Respectful

Two men wereplaying a round of golf one day. Just as they were about to start one of theholes, a funeral procession went by on the road beside the course. One of thegolfers, Clyde, takes off his cap and stands with his cap to his chest, andwaits for the entire procession to go by. He then puts his cap back on andproceeds to tee off. "Gee Clyde, that was a very nice gesture on your part. Itwas very thoughtful and respectful of you to do that," his friend said."Well," Clyde replied, "I was married to her for the last 30 years. It was theleast that I could do."

What A Change

Mr.Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Barbados. In an airport taxi cab,Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a healthful place?" "It sureis," the cabby replied. "When I arrived here I couldn't say one word. I hadhardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room,and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful!" said the tourist, "Howlong have you been here?" "I was born here."

Statistics

I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Notto cause alarm or worry, but shouldn't that be an even number?

The Efficiency Expert

The efficiency expertconcluded his lecture with a note of caution: "You do not want to try thesetechniques at home!" "Why not?" asked a man from the audience. "After years ofnot paying attention, I suddenly noticed my wife's routine at breakfast," theexpert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, tableand cabinets; often she carried just a single item at a time. So I asked her,'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once? It'd be much moreefficient.'" "Well, did your suggestions save much time?" the attendee asked."Actually, yes," the efficiency expert responded. "It used to take her twentyminutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."

Say What?
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but I turned myself around.Went to the Air and Space Museum, but there was nothing there.Hold the door open for a clown. It's a nice jester.I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.I child-proofed my house, but the kids still get in.Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler.The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.  (Or God'sgrace.)