Joe's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling, honestly, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Joe replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. "Just a moment, Honey!" Joe interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet." (We haven't heard from Joe lately.)
School Daze
- Nathan comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?" "Not enough," he replies. "I have to go back tomorrow."
- Mom: "How did you find school today?"
Youngster: "I simply hopped off the bus — and there it was." - Mia: "I think we need a new teacher."
Mom: "Why is that?"
Mia: "Our teacher doesn't know anything, she keeps asking us for the answers." - Teacher: "Who can tell me what a 'mystery' is?"
Pupil: "A mystery is when someone colors on the table, but no one knows who did it." - Brenda's six-year-old daughter was explaining to the other kids in her class what "extinct" meant. "Well," she said in all seriousness, "it means that the dinosaurs are all dead and have been dead so long they don't stink anymore. That's why they call them exstinked."
Impressive
My daughter's history class was able to take a trip to Washington, DC, last year. She didn't seem too excited, deeming it too "educational" to be any fun. But when she returned she was bubbling over with enthusiasm and wonder and even awe as she described how they stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, staring at the Washington Monument across the reflecting pool. "Just think, Mom," she marveled, "we were standing in the exact spot where Forrest Gump stood!"
Shorts
My daughter's history class was able to take a trip to Washington, DC, last year. She didn't seem too excited, deeming it too "educational" to be any fun. But when she returned she was bubbling over with enthusiasm and wonder and even awe as she described how they stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, staring at the Washington Monument across the reflecting pool. "Just think, Mom," she marveled, "we were standing in the exact spot where Forrest Gump stood!"
Shorts
- A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks. By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.
- A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
- If God had intended us to fly, he would have made it easier to get to the airport.
- I tried to exercise, but I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
- Some people are making such thorough preparations for a rainy day that they completely miss today's sunshine.
No comments:
Post a Comment