My father was completely lost in the kitchen and never ate unless someone prepared a meal for him. When Mother was ill, however, he volunteered to go to the supermarket for her. She sent him off with a carefully numbered list of seven items. Dad returned shortly, very proud of himself, and proceeded to unpack the grocery bags. He had one bag of sugar, two dozen eggs, three hams, four boxes of detergent, five boxes of crackers, six eggplants, and seven green peppers.
Aging Shorts
- I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
- A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.
- Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk nine feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel, then walk nine feet through shag carpet back to my couch.
- Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
- I thought growing older would take longer.
- I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented... I forgot where I was going with this.
- I love being over 65. I learn something new every day — and forget 5 others.
- I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
War & Peace
The Social Studies teacher had just finished a unit on World War II and had spent some time on the differences between war and peace. "How many of you," she asked her class, "would say that you are against war?" Not surprisingly, every hand in the room went up. The teacher then asked, "Who can give us a reason for being against war?" A rather large, bored-looking boy toward the back of the class raised his hand. "Sammy?" the teacher called upon him. "I'm against war," he said, "because wars make history. And I HATE history!"
Random Thoughts
The Social Studies teacher had just finished a unit on World War II and had spent some time on the differences between war and peace. "How many of you," she asked her class, "would say that you are against war?" Not surprisingly, every hand in the room went up. The teacher then asked, "Who can give us a reason for being against war?" A rather large, bored-looking boy toward the back of the class raised his hand. "Sammy?" the teacher called upon him. "I'm against war," he said, "because wars make history. And I HATE history!"
Random Thoughts
- There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't.
- My wife said I don't listen. At least I think that's what she said.
- So when is this "Old enough to know better" supposed to kick in?
- I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey, but then I turned myself around.
- Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
- I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me.
- Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Good Deal
A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed. As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key." Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime."
A man and his ten-year-old son were on a fishing trip miles from home. At the boy's insistence, they decided to attend the Sunday worship service at a small rural church. The father forgot to bring any cash, so he reached in his pocket and gave his son a dime to drop in the offering plate as it was passed. As they walked back to their car after the service, the father complained. "The service was too long," he lamented. "The sermon was boring, and the singing was off key." Finally the boy said, "Daddy, I thought it was pretty good for a dime."
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