DON'T GIVE YOURSELF A BLUE CHRISTMAS

Don't give yourself a blue Christmas.  

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that? -- Bob Hope About this time every year I experience Christmas movie overload. Whether it's an old classic or new favorite, I'm a big old sap. It starts out well. I laugh, I swell up with holiday spirit, I tear up, and I celebrate as the story wraps up and Christmas is saved. But then afterward I feel let down. Where, oh where is my romantic Hallmark white Christmas, eggnog and mistletoe experience? But my feelings of loneliness or missing out usually don't last long because, well, another movie is coming on. I'm not a unicorn, so I figure there are others who experience loneliness or depression during this season. But how common are "Christmas blues"? Curious, I reached out to the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences and was put in touch with Chelsea Wakefield, an assistant professor in the UAMS department of psychiatry and director of the UAMS Couples Center. Wakefield says that for many people, the three biggest challenges of the holiday season are overscheduling, overindulging and overspending. All can lead to irritability, exhaustion, an expanded waistline and  a debt hangover that hits as the bills roll in. We see in the media examples of people spending money without concern and having wonderful gatherings with family and friends. But that can also be a recipe for depression, loneliness and envy. There's a tendency to assume that it's the people who live alone during the holidays who experience loneliness, Wakefield says, but that's not always true. Those who have lost a spouse or loved one or experienced a financial or health crisis are near the top of the list. But people can also experience loneliness while married or living in families fraught with unresolved conflict or disconnection. People tend not to talk about their loneliness during the "happy holidays. We can look for signs in our loved ones such as withdrawal, increased irritability or cynicism, or acceleration of substance abuse. Those are signs that they could be suffering silently. The gift of our presence can mean more than our presents. Wakefield offered some ideas for coping with loneliness during a season of celebration: Find a place to connect with others. Become more involved in your church, help out at a soup kitchen or put together your own group of lonely people for a Christmas meal. Do not overschedule. Spend some evenings at home and settle in. Wakefield calls this deep self-care. Stay off the computer and cellphone and don't accept invitations to social events if you don't feel like going. We can't and won't please everyone, so let's not even try. Practice gratitude. It's a spiritual virtue and a good way to boost neurochemicals that promote well-being. Being grateful does not take away the negative or bad things in life. By practicing gratitude we can redirect our focus and balance the reality of our needs with how truly blessed we are. We have to get outside ourselves, and it doesn't have to be a major investment of our time or money. Enjoy the beauty of nature, exercise, volunteer or get a pet. Finally, with myself in mind, I asked about the habit of watching sentimental TV shows or movies. Wakefield says that if it will bring up negative feelings, we should avoid it. But it can also allow a person to recognize and work through feelings of wishing for the perfect greeting-card type holiday. It's kind of a simple formula. If we find our ritual of watching old Christmas favorites fills us with cozy, nostalgic feelings, we should enjoy! But we have to watch out for the comparison trap. If these films bring us down, we should watch something else.