SOMETHING TO BRING YOU A SMILE

Deciphering College Students 

When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded, "Ah, you're Freshmen." Then he explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, they're Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, they're Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the who's talking over the tops of the newspapers, they're juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, they're seniors. And when you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, they're graduate students." 

The Sermon 

After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons."Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God." The pastor was thrilled. "Nobody has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why." "Because it endured forever." 

From Another Era 

We were eating corn on the cob two weeks ago and my 5-year-old daughter Rachel seemed to be struggling with it a little bit. I said, "Rachel, eat it like a typewriter." She looked at me with pure innocence in her eyes and said, "Mommy, what's a typewriter?" 

Inner Peace 

By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil Show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a package of Oreos, a pot of coffee, the rest of the cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Godiva Chocolates. Dr. Phil was right — you have no idea how great I feel right now! 

A Parent's Prayer 

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my sanity to keep.
For if some peace I do not find, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.
I pray I find a little quiet, far from the daily family riot.
May I lie back and not have to think about what they're stuffing down the sink,
Or who they're with, or where they're at and what they're doing to the cat.
I pray for time all to myself  (did something just fall off a shelf?)
To cuddle in my nice, soft bed  (Oh no, another goldfish dead!)
Some silent moments for goodness sake  (Did I just hear a window break?)
And that I need not cook or clean (well, surely, I've got the right to dream)
Yes now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my wits about me keep,
But as I look around I know, I must have lost them long ago!