Interviewer: "Tell me, Miss Cromwell, if you could have dinner with any person, living or dead, who would it be?"
Miss Cromwell: "The living one."
Five Things You Don't Want to Hear from Tech Support:
- "Duuuuuude! Bummer!"
- "In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect."
- "Your problem can be fixed, but you're going to need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery."
- "Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with ‘60 Minutes.' Press 3 if you're with the FTC."
- "Hold on a second, please ... Mom! Timmy's hitting me!"
The Great Escape
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo. The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night!!"
Eye of the Beholder
Little Timmy watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Timmy. "Giving up?"
The Bible Means...
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy," the young boy replied excitedly. "It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop pretty high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. However, the next morning the kangaroo was out again, just roaming around the zoo. The zoo officials raised the height of the fence to twenty feet. Again, however, the next morning the kangaroo was again roaming around the zoo. This kept on, night after night, until the fence was sixty feet high. Finally, the camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo replied, "Probably a hundred feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night!!"
Eye of the Beholder
Little Timmy watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Timmy. "Giving up?"
The Bible Means...
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy," the young boy replied excitedly. "It stands for ‘Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
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