My husband Joe is a police officer in a small town. He receives many phone calls at home about his work and decided to get an answering machine to screen them, especially the threatening or harassing ones. This is the greeting he prepared: "You have reached the home of a police officer. You have the right to remain silent. If you wish to give up this right, leave your message after the beep. Anything you say can, and probably will, be held against you." The phone calls became much friendlier.
The Real Reason
After weeks of getting the cold shoulder from his wife, the unhappy husband finally confronted her: "Admit it, Linda. The only reason you married me is because my grandfather left me $10 million." "Don't be ridiculous," she replied. "I don't care who left it to you."
Big Prize
Sally goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch." But Sally keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize." Sally insists, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!" And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads... "WIN A BAGEL."
Shorts
- Time takes its toll; please have exact change.
- They say, "Wisdom comes with age," but sometimes age comes alone.
- I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
- I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
- A blue ship crashed with a red ship. The survivors were marooned.
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