SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU SMILE

Shorts

• Misers aren't much fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.
• There are moments when everything goes well. Don't be frightened, it won't last.
• The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
• I went to Magician's School but flunked the final exam. They were all trick questions.
• When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
• There are only two things a child will share willingly — communicable diseases and mom's age.
• Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
• The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them.
• Money isn't everything. There are credit cards, money orders and travelers checks.

Hymns for Speeders

If you MUST speed on the highway, sing these hymns loudly:

• At 45 MPH: "God Will TAKE Care of You"
• At 55 MPH: "Guide Me, O Great Jehovah"
• At 65 MPH: "Nearer My God to Thee"
• At 75 MPH: "Nearer Still Nearer"
• At 85 MPH: "This World is Not My Home"
• At 95 MPH: "Lord, I'm Coming Home"
• At 105 MPH: "Precious Memories"

Out With A Bang

A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his eggs every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

Worship

Worship brings all kinds of responses, as I observed in church recently. An elderly woman was standing with eyes closed and hands raised in prayer and praise. The three-year-old standing in the pew in front of her turned around and gave her a high-five!