Business professor: "Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?"
Student: "Tuition!"
Shorts
- Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.
- When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment. Now, as a grownup, it just feels like a small vacation!
- At any given time, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...
Gone Fishin'
Roger came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, nothing was wrong, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked Roger if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
On Her Knees
A guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "Wow. What did she say?" asked the friend. The husband replied, "She shouted, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"
Actual (We're Told) Newspaper Headlines
Roger came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, nothing was wrong, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked Roger if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
On Her Knees
A guy was telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "Wow. What did she say?" asked the friend. The husband replied, "She shouted, 'Come out from under that bed, you coward!'"
Actual (We're Told) Newspaper Headlines
- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
- Miners Refuse to Work after Death
- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
- War Dims Hope for Peace
- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
- London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
- Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
- Hospitals Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
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