A MERRY HEART IS GOOD MEDICINE

A little boy went up to his mother and asked: 'Mon, where did my intelligence come from?'

The mother replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your father, cause I still have mine.' 
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'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,'

'That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.' 
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'

'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.' 
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Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder: 
1. The DNA all matches. 
2. There are no dental records. 
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' 
The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 
'Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up. 
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

'How was he killed?' asked one detective.

'With a golf gun,' the other detective replied.

'A golf gun! What is a golf gun?'

'I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.' 
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Moe: 'My husbend got me to believe in religion.'

Joe: 'Really?'

Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married him I didn't believe in Hell.' 
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

'I'm O. K. But I didn't like the four letter-word the doctor used in surgery,' he answered.

'What did he say,' asked the nurse.

'Oops!' 
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice. 

'What do you think?' I asked. 'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?'

'Better get a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'

He's still in intensive care. 
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance... 

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, guess she's there.'