Excuses
Harris pollsters found some memorable excuses people actually gave for not coming in to work:
- My mother poisoned me with a ham.
- I got stuck under the bed.
- I broke my arm while trying to grab a falling sandwich.
- The universe told me to take a day off.
- My wife put all my underwear in the washer.
- The doctor said I need more vitamin D, so I went to the beach.
Truth Be Told
A minister was called away unexpectedly by the illness of a close family member. He entrusted to his new assistant the job of filling the pulpit. The pastor's wife stayed home. When he returned, the pastor asked his wife what she thought of the young man's sermon. "The poorest I've ever heard," she said. "There was nothing in it, nothing at all. It didn't even make sense. It was very unorganized. I was disappointed." Later that day, the concerned minister met his assistant and asked him, "How'd the Sunday service and sermon go? Did all go well? How did you manage?" "All went very well, sir, absolutely wonderful," he said. "I didn't have time to prepare a new sermon of my own on such short notice, so I got on your computer and pulled up one of your old sermons from last year."
Left Behind
A tour bus driver accidentally left a passenger behind after they had stopped for lunch. Wanting to apologize, the driver called the passenger on the phone. "I don't blame you," the woman told him, "but I'm mad at my husband for not informing you that I wasn't on the bus."
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