BRING ON THE LAUGHTER

Heated Debate 
Two political candidates were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?" And the other guy screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!" 

What She Said 

The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, "Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake!" He nodded but still rode straight into a bush. "Why didn't you push back on the pedals?" I asked, helping him up. "You said if I did, the bike would break." 

Life's Truths for Adults 

• There is nothing worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• Really, how ARE you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they always told you how the person died.
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report to which I know I did not make any changes.
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this — ever.
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone or Pinning the Tail on the Donkey — but I'll bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!