JUST FOR LAUGHS

The Plan "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient who wanted to lose weight without exercising. "I don't want you to swallow them. Just spill them on the floor twice a day and pick them up slowly, one at a time...."

Mum's The Word

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever."

Oh

On my birthday I was cutting the lawn when my teenage son came home from a baseball game. Seeing me behind the mower, he exclaimed, "Oh, Dad, you shouldn't have to mow the lawn on your birthday." Touched, I was about to turn the mower over to him when he added, "You should wait until tomorrow!"

Shorts

• Ninety percent of being married is just shouting "What?" from other rooms.
• They say that inside each heavy person is a thin person struggling to get out. I've discovered that mine can be sedated with a piece of chocolate cake.
• I went out to buy some goose feather pillows, but I found they were so expensive I couldn't even afford the down payment.
• Why wish upon a star when you can pray to the One who created it?