Friday, October 6, 2017

DID YOU KNOW?


Little Known Facts

 1. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.  

 2. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks or it will digest itself.

 3. The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle.

 4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

 5. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.

 6. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

 7. A 2" X 4" Stud is really 1-1/2" by 3-1/2".

 8. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur,' a small red car can be seen in the distance (and Heston's wearing a watch).

 9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily! (That explains a few mysteries... .)

10. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

11. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

12. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.

13. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with orange, purple and silver.

14. The name 'Wendy' was made up for the book Peter Pan. There was never a recorded 'Wendy' before.

15. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin in World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.

16. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (Who was the sadist who discovered this??)

17. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to s-l-o-w film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.

18. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen' s 'Born in the USA.'

19. The original name for butterfly was flutterby. (and that is a more accurate description)

20. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

21. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

22. Roses may be red, but violets are indeed violet.

23. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you cannot sink into quicksand.

24. Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.

25. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest. (???)

26. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.

27. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said, "Elementary, my dear Watson."

28. An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than three steps backwards while dancing!

29. The glue on Israeli postage is certified kosher.

30. The Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from public libraries.

31. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.

32. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave!

Thursday, October 5, 2017

A FEW MORE THINGS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

Oops 

I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?" 

The Dancer 

A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One guest was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding, the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements. Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, "That man is such a talented dancer, that I would pay him a hundred dollars to demonstrate his dancing before my aerobics class!" When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for a hundred dollars you could step on that rake again?" 

But You Said.... 

I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor told me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?" 

How Tired Are You? 
  • You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Good-bye."
  • Your friends call to ask how you've been and you immediately scream, "Too busy to talk!" and hang up.
  • You have so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to eat.
  • Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
  • You consider a 40 hour week a vacation.
  • You don't set your alarm anymore because you know your cell phone will go off before your alarm does.
Calling In 

Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!" 

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

IOS UPDATE

Apple update for iOS addresses iPhone 8 crackling noise Update should correct disruptive sound some users report experiencing during phone calls. by Steven Musil October 3, 2017.  

Apple's latest iOS update addresses a bug that affects some phone calls on the iPhone 8 and iPhone 8 Plus. Gabriel Sama/CNET Apple released an update to its iOS mobile operating system on Tuesday to correct a handful of bugs, including a fix to eliminate a disruptive sound that some iPhone 8 users are experiencing through their earpieces during phone calls. Not long after the iPhone debuted last month, users began complaining in online forums of hearing a "crackling" or "static" sound that disrupts the audio when they make calls. The issue appeared to affect both the iPhone 8 and iPhone 8 Plus on different carriers and in different parts of the world. The release of iOS 11.0.2 on Tuesday should correct that issue, as well as a photo issue and an email bug. From the release notes: - Fixes an issue where crackling sounds may occur during calls for a small number of iPhone 8 and 8 Plus devices - Addresses an issue that could cause some photos to become hidden - Fixes an issue where attachments in S/MIME encrypted emails would not open The update comes a week after Apple released iOS 11.0.2 and two weeks after the release of iOS 11. Apple didn't immediately respond to a request for comment. 

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

A FEW FUNNIES

As any southerner knows, there's nothing like a backhanded compliment from a proper southern lady. Here are some favorites.  Y'all feel free to borrow them: 

"I just love how you don't care what people think. That takes a special person. "I bet those shoes are comfortable. After you tell her you lost nine pounds: "Well, that's a wonderful start. After you arrive for a visit: "What'd you do, sugar, drive all the way here with the windows down? After you've cooked: "That was good. I must have been hungry. "I bought this the other day, but it's too big on me. Do you want it? When a friend learned that I was seeing a man 15 years my junior, she accused me of being a cougar. "Why not? I said. "My last two husbands were cheetahs.  My mom sent me a text that said "I love you," and she ended it with a poop emoji. I asked why she added the emoji. She said, "I thought it was a Hershey's Kiss. @brigreenspan During my 55th high school class reunion, I spotted an old friend. "Bill! I shouted. "You look exactly the same as you did in high school. He nodded. "Now I know why I never got a date in high school.  Lord, help us! Our two-year-old, Tess, was sitting quietly in church one Sunday when she became mesmerized by a balding man seated in front. Her curiosity got the better of her, and she shouted for all to hear, "Why is that man's head coming out of his hair?  While standing on line for confession, I overheard a woman whisper to her friend, "I really don't know why I'm going to confession. I've been so busy, I haven't had a minute to sin.  After a worship service, a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, "If you're not quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again.  During Bible studies, I asked my fifth-grade students to name the first couple. They correctly answered Adam and Eve. But when I asked about the first children, they were silent. So I said, "One son's name started with C, for Cain. The second son's name started with A, for One student shouted, "Adam Junior!  

Monday, October 2, 2017

THIS WEEK'S SPECIALS AT DOLLAR GENERAL

Buying Groceries on a Budget
Dollar General Sale Dates 10-1 to 10-7, 2017
 
General Mills Cereal, Kellogg’s and Post Cereals Family Size Assorted Varieties $3.50
Tyson Frozen Chicken 11-22  oz Assorted Varieties $5.00; Tombstone Pizza 12 in $3.50
Clover Valley Chunk White Chicken Breast 10 oz $1.75; Bubble Bee Chunk Tuna in Water 5 oz 3/.$2.00 (Must by 3 to get discount)
Progresso Soup 18.5-19 oz Assorted Varieties $1.50; Hormel Chili 15 oz Assorted Varieties $1.50; Armour Beef Stew 20 oz $1.75
Success Boil in Bag Rice 4 bags/14 oz or Dinty Moore Beef Stew 20 oz $1.95
Peter Pan or Skippy Peanut Butter 16.3 oz Assorted Varieties $2.00
Clover Valley Whole Wheat Bread 20 oz $1.35
Clover Valley Can Tomatoes or Assorted Varieties of Can Beans 14.5-15.5 oz 3/$2.00

Sunday, October 1, 2017

AMERICA'S NOT PERFECT BUT IT'S THE BEST THING GOING


Ret. Marine Col. Jeffery Powers wrote to the NFL commissioners the following:


 

Commissioners,

I’ve been a season pass holder at Yankee Stadium, Yale Bowl and the Giants Stadium.


 

I missed the ’90-’91 season because I was with a battalion of Marines in Desert Storm. 14 of my wonderful Marines returned home with the American Flag draped across their lifeless bodies. My last conversation with one of them, Sgt. Garrett Mongrella, was about how our Giants were going to the Super Bowl. He never got to see it.


 

Many friends, Marines, and Special Forces Soldiers who worked with or for me through the years returned home with the American Flag draped over their coffins.


 

Now I watch multi-millionaire athletes who never did anything in their lives but play a game, disrespect what brave Americans fought and died for. They are essentially spitting in the faces and on the graves of real men, men who have actually done something for this country beside playing with a ball and believing they’re something special! They’re not! My Marines and Soldiers were!


 

You are complicit in this! You’ll fine players for large and small infractions but you lack the moral courage and respect for our nation and the fallen to put an  immediate stop to this. Yes, I know, it’s their 1st Amendment right to behave in such a despicable manner.


 

                      

What would happen if they came out and disrespected you or the refs publicly?


 

I observed a player getting a personal foul for twerking in the end zone after scoring I guess that’s much worse than disrespecting the flag and our National  Anthem. Hmmmmm, isn’t it his 1st Amendment right to express himself like an idiot in the end zone?


 

Why is taunting not allowed yet taunting America is OK? You fine players for wearing 9-11 commemorative shoes yet you allow scum on the sidelines to sit, kneel or pump their pathetic fist in the air. They are so deprived with their multi-million dollar contracts for playing a freaking game!


 

You condone it all by your refusal to act. You’re just as bad and disgusting as they are. I hope Americans boycott any sponsor who supports that rabble you call the NFL. I hope they turn off the TV when any team that allowed this disrespect to occur, without consequence, on the sidelines. I applaud those who have not.


 

Legends and heroes do NOT wear shoulder pads. They wear body armor and carry rifles.

They make minimum wage and spend months and years away from their families. They don’t do it for an hour on Sunday. They do it 24/7 often with lead, not footballs, coming in their direction. They watch their brothers carted off in pieces not on a gurney to get their knee iced. They don’t even have ice! Many don’t have legs or arms.


 

Some wear blue and risk their lives daily on the streets of America. They wear fire helmets and go upstairs into the fire rather than down to safety. On 9-11, hundreds vanished. They are the heroes.


 

I hope that your high paid protesting pretty boys and you look in that mirror when you shave tomorrow and see what you really are, legends in your own minds. You need to hit the road and take those worms with you!


 

Time to change the channel.


 

Powers originally sent his letter to former Florida

congressman Allen West. West then posted the letter to his news website.


 

As of last week, at least 18 NFL players had protested

the anthem by either kneeling during the anthem or

raising their fists, according to USA Today Sports.

Friday, September 29, 2017

A LITTLE MORE HUMOR (REMEMBER-JUST KIDDING)

A Jewish man was leaving a convenience store with his espresso when he
noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the
nearby cemetery.

A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet
behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary Italian man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking in single file.

The Jewish man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully
approached the Italian man walking the dog and said: "I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen an Italian funeral
like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

My mother-in-law. She came to help my wife and the dog turned on her
and killed her also.

A very poignant and touching moment of Jewish and Italian brotherhood
and silence passed between the two men.

The Jewish man then asked: "Can I borrow the dog?"

The Italian man replied, "Get in the line."