Born Politician
A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sittingnext to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said,"You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.'For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to votefor me." "Oh, is that so?" replied the other. "I always tip them a nickeland ask them to vote for you."
Clarification
After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested thather husband should try his hand at changing diapers. "I'm busy," he said,"I'll do the next one." The next time came around and she asked again. Thehusband looked puzzled, "Oh! I didn't mean the next diaper. I meant the nextbaby!"
How Not to Get a Job
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question,"Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intendedfor people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question,was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Close
A young man walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for hisnew motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holderon the vehicle?" "I got a kickstand," the prospect replied. "Is that thesame thing?"
My Son the Attorney
When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her abilityto answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. As a young attorney,I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about the occupations of familymembers, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer." As a follow-up, she was askedif she had ever used the services of an attorney. "Only to mow my lawn."
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