SOMETHING TO LAUGH ABOUT

Off Balance 

I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance, she leaned over and pushed me. 

Oops 

My six-year-old grandson called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room. "But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable." 

Mistakes 

One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything about it. The following week, her check was for less that the normal amount, and she confronted her boss. "How come," the supervisor inquired, "you didn't say anything when you were overpaid?" Unperturbed, the employee replied, "Well, I can overlook one mistake — but not two in a row!" 

Things I've Learned 

• I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life."
• I've learned that, regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.
• I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
• I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
• I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.
• I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
• I've learned that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
• I've learned that money doesn't buy class.
• I've learned that under someone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
• I've learned that the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
• I've learned that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
• I've learned that the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
• I've learned that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
• I've learned that one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
• I've learned that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
• I've learned that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances — when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
• I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.