After a worship service at church the other day a mother with a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, "If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!" It worked.
Just Like Dad
Ten-year-old Bobby was having a conversation with his grandmother while eating breakfast:
Bobby: Nanna, I'm a fat old man.
Grandma: Bobby! What did you say?
Bobby: I'm a fat old man.
Grandma: Now, Bobby, why would you say something like that?
Bobby: Well, everybody says I look just like my daddy.
You Know You're From The Far North When...
- You know the four seasons - winter, still winter, not winter and almost winter
- You have more miles on your snow blower than your car
- Driving in winter is better, because all the potholes get filled with snow
- You feel warm and toasty at minus 26
- You find minus 40 a mite chilly
- The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer
- Your dog wears boots too
- If you don't go out for lunch you miss the sunrise and sunset
- There is a sign outside of McDonalds: "Park dog teams in back"
- If the school district had snow days, no one would ever have to go to school
- You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday
Shorts
- If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
- Anybody who's busy pulling on the oars doesn't have time to rock the boat.
- Ban sliced cheese. Make America grate again.
- It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
- If absence makes the heart grow fonder, a lot of folks must really love their churches.
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