Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk, I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her. "Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one."
What It Wasn't
A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I telephoned the hospital to see if the baby had arrived, the nurse said it had. I asked if it was a boy or girl and was told that it was against hospital policy to give this information over the phone. "Fine," I said. "I can understand that. But can you tell me what she didn't have?" "It wasn't a girl," came the reply.
Hiding Out
A man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow's absence after so many years of faithful attendance, the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, "How come after all these years we don't see you at services anymore?" The old man lowered his voice. "I'll tell you, Rabbi," he whispered. "When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So, I figured that God is very busy and must've forgotten about me, and I don't want to remind Him!"
Wisdom For Long Life
- Don't throw a brick straight up.
- Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through them.
- Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.
- If you're on a ball field and someone shouts "Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up. Cover it with your arms and duck.
- No matter how tempting it is to be one with nature, stay on the outside of all fences at the zoo.
- When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards, press on the flat end.
Shorts
- Trying to write with a broken pencil is pointless.
- What is the favorite month of lumberjacks? SepTIIIIMMBBEERRRR!!!!
- The trouble with Sunday drivers is, they don't drive any better during the week.
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