When I went with my daughter to visit a prestigious university, our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended my daughter apply early to improve her chances for admission. "We get so many applicants," she boasted, "because of the stature of the school." After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose this school?" "Oh," she replied in a matter-of-fact way, "my boyfriend goes here."
It's Gone
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written in it."
How to Clean the House
- Open a new file in your computer.
- Name it "Housework."
- Save and then send it to the RECYCLE BIN.
- Empty the RECYCLE BIN.
- Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework permanently?"
- Calmly answer, "Yes," and press the mouse button firmly.
Feel better?
Short Thoughts
Short Thoughts
- Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
- A self-addressed envelope would be addressed to "Envelope," right?
Neat Trick
On a visit to New York, an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop. The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice. The Englishman says to the Scotsman: "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!" The Scotsman says to the Englishman: "Watch this, a Scotsman is always more clever than an Englishman." He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie..." The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?" The Scotsman says: "Look in the Englishman's pocket!"
On a visit to New York, an Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop. The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice. The Englishman says to the Scotsman: "You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!" The Scotsman says to the Englishman: "Watch this, a Scotsman is always more clever than an Englishman." He says to the baker, "Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats. Then he says to the baker: "Give me another cookie for my magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again: "Give me one more cookie..." The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells: "And where is your famous magic trick?" The Scotsman says: "Look in the Englishman's pocket!"
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