Having A Blast
A 106-year-old cowboy in Texas recently passed away. He was asked on his last birthday earlier this year his secret to longevity and he said that for the past 50 years he has sprinkled a little gunpowder on his cereal each morning. He left behind 8 children, 21 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot hole in the crematorium.
First Things First
The minister asked, "Is there anyone in the congregation who wants a prayer said for their shortcomings?" "Yes," said a man in the front pew. "I am a spendthrift. I throw money around like it is growing on trees." "Very well," said the pastor. "We will join in prayer for our brother -- just as soon as the collection plate has been passed."
Daffynitions
Pasteurize: Too far to see.
Mountain Range: A cooking stove made especially for use at high altitudes.
Icicle: An eavesdropper.
Intense: Where Boy Scouts sleep.
Hunter: What the man told his dog when he wanted to find his daughter.
Turnabout
Using a new painting program on my computer, I managed to come up with a very credible still life of fruit. I made a color printout and sent it to my daughter, a graphic designer. She called when it arrived. "Isn't it good?" I asked. She chuckled, and in a tone that echoed mine from years ago, replied, "Mom, it's beautiful. We put it on the refrigerator."
Summer's End
Determined to have one last, lazy day of fishing before summer's end, I purposely ignored the leaky faucet and the broken gate -- household projects that had awaited me all summer. When my wife asked, "What are you going to do today?" I grinned and answered, "It starts with F and ends with ISH." "Oh, good," she replied. "You're finally going to FinISH up those projects."
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