SOME FUNNIES FOR THE WEEK

Mother's Day Surprise
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed early one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "It's a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained. "We decided to cook our own breakfast."

Things a Mom Doesn't Want to Hear

• I swallowed a goldfish.
• Your lipstick works better than crayons.
• Does grape juice leave a stain?
• Look, I painted the front door!
• The principal called...
• What's it cost to fix a window?
• The dog doesn't like dressing up in your clothes.
• Has anyone seen my earthworms?

Turning Tables

We were standing in line outside a busy restaurant. The harried hostess was checking to find out how many people were in each group. "Party of two," the woman behind us said to her, "and could we please have Michelle?" Annoyed looks turned to knowing smiles when she added, "Michelle is my daughter, and just once in my life I want her to wait on me!"

Mother's Day Wish

A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I want a little brother," the boy said. "Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?" "Well," the boy said, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."

What We Said Differently to Mom and Dad Growing Up:

— To Mom —

• I'm hungry...
• I'm cold...
• I'm hot...
• Can I have...
• I want to watch...
• Where are you?
• Can you ask Dad?
• Can you help me...
• He punched me...
• She scratched me...
• I want to go there...
• When are we...?
• Why are we...?
• Why can't we...?

— To Dad —

• Where's mom?