A FEW THINGS TO MAKE YOU CHUCKLE

Obvious Choice 

Interviewer: "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?" 

Incredulous applicant: "The living one." 

The Password 

A "not-so-bright" chose the following as a computer password: MickeyMinnieDonaldDaisyGoofyHueyLouieWashington. When asked why she had chosen such a long password, she explained: "I was told that I should have seven characters and one capital." 

Signs 

The following are actual signs said to have been seen by travelers: 

• At a Santa Fe gas station: We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container.
• In a New York restaurant: Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager.
• On the wall of a Baltimore convent: Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. — Sisters of Mercy
• On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the same spot.
• In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.
• In a New York drugstore: We dispense with accuracy.
• In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning your home.
• In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center.
• On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.
• On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
• At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized personnel.
• On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: Now available in multi-packs.
• In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.
• In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.
• In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!
• On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament — Ears pierced
• Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
• In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?
• In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.
• In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.
• In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

Flying Companions 

At the airport check-in counter, a man overheard a woman ask for window seats for both herself and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I've just spent 10 days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting!"