On the Lighter Side
The Mixed Blessing
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!"
The Parting Gifts
A priest, a rabbi, a doctor and a lawyer are gathered at a mutual friend's graveside to mourn his passing. The priest says to the others, "I would like to honor our good friend in a special way." He pulls a $100 bill from his wallet and drops it on the casket. The rabbi agrees, "That's a fine idea," and drops his own $100 bill on the casket. The doctor, not to be outdone, does the same. The lawyer murmurs, "What a wonderful thought," as he gazes down at their friend's casket. Whipping out his pen, he quickly writes a check for $400, drops it into the grave and takes the three $100 bills as change.
The Secret
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffed a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was 21." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for 27 years, she can keep it forever."
Today's Definition
Auction: A place where, if you're not careful, you'll get something for nodding.
Today's Oxymoron
"No one goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
The Mixed Blessing
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!"
The Parting Gifts
A priest, a rabbi, a doctor and a lawyer are gathered at a mutual friend's graveside to mourn his passing. The priest says to the others, "I would like to honor our good friend in a special way." He pulls a $100 bill from his wallet and drops it on the casket. The rabbi agrees, "That's a fine idea," and drops his own $100 bill on the casket. The doctor, not to be outdone, does the same. The lawyer murmurs, "What a wonderful thought," as he gazes down at their friend's casket. Whipping out his pen, he quickly writes a check for $400, drops it into the grave and takes the three $100 bills as change.
The Secret
At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," huffed a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was 21." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for 27 years, she can keep it forever."
Today's Definition
Auction: A place where, if you're not careful, you'll get something for nodding.
Today's Oxymoron
"No one goes there anymore; it's too crowded."
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