A FEW THINGS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

Business Signs 

• At a towing company:  "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
• On a maternity room door:  "Push. Push. Push."
• At an optometrist's office:  "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
• On a taxidermist's window:  "We really know our stuff."
• In a podiatrist's office:  "Time wounds all heels."
• On a house's fence:  "Salespeople welcome! Dog food is expensive."
• At a car dealership:  "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
• Outside a muffler shop:  "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
• At a propane filling station:  "Tank heaven for little grills."
• In a veterinarian's waiting room:  "Be back in five minutes. Sit! Stay!"
• In a restaurant window:  "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
• In the front yard of a funeral home:  "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Just Like Mom's 

When the power failed at the elementary school, the cook couldn't serve a hot meal in the cafeteria, so at the last minute she whipped up great stacks of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches. As one little boy filled his plate, he said, "It's about time. At last -- a good home-cooked meal!" 

Vacationing 

Preparing for a family vacation, Kathy and Matt explained to their young children that they would be sitting in the car for a very long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark, and were warned not to keep saying, "Are we there yet?" After a few minutes of peaceful driving, four year old Rachel perked up, "Is it dark yet?" 

Mrs. Methuselah 

Having lost weight over the past few years, a lady was discarding things from her wardrobe that no longer fit. Her seven-year-old niece was watching as she held up a huge pair of capris. "Wow," the lady said, "I must have worn these when I was 183!" Her niece looked puzzled, then asked, "How old are you now?"