THINGS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH

Decluttering.  

I tried that Japanese practice of decluttering. You hold something and if it doesn't bring you joy, you toss it. Hey it really works! So far I've thrown out a bunch of bills, my treadmill and a lot of vegetables! 

Dad Knows 

One of the funniest memories I have of the trials and tribulations of making the journey from childhood to adulthood was our annual summer vacation trek from Chicago to a cabin usually someplace on a lake in Wisconsin or Michigan. Every year, it seems, we would get on a highway a few miles out of the city, and mom would wail, "Oh my goodness! I think left the iron on." And almost every year we would turn around and go back. But as I recall, not once was it was ever plugged in. She often had the same fear that all our earthly possessions would disappear in a fire caused by her forgetfulness. When I was about 14 years old, we were headed out of Chicago for Lake Geneva, Wisconsin and, sure enough, Mom gasped, "I just know I left the iron on." My father didn't say a word, just pulled over onto the shoulder of the road, got out, opened the trunk and handed her the iron. 

Just Asking... 

Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more "stop and count to 10" periods than any of the others. Once, after her small son fell into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Cassie sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out, "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter." 

You Know It's Summer in Florida When... 

• Your car is overheating before you drive it.
• Hot air balloons can't go up, because the air outside is hotter than the heated air in the balloon
• Airplanes can't land because the asphalt runways are too soft.
• The ducks in the park are designated "original recipe" and "extra crispy."
• More hot water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one.
• The hotdogs sold outside the Home Depot are actually hot.
• You cover the leather seats in the car with cloth or sit on towels.
• It's noon in August, the kids are on summer vacation, and no one is moving on the streets.
• You burn your hand opening the car door.
• You notice the best parking place is determined by the shade under trees instead of the distance to the door.
• All picnics feature hot food, like it or not.
• The politicians have to take their hands out of your pockets to fan