SOME THINGS TO BRING A SMILE

Headed Heavenward 

A little boy got on the elevator in the Empire State Building in New York City. He and his daddy started to the top. The boy watched the signs flashing as they went by the floors: 10, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. They kept going, and he got nervous. He took his daddy's hand and said, "Daddy, does God know we're coming?" 

Just Checking 

I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and asked: "Does she like you?" 

Oh 

Grammar, Grammar 

The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said. "What happened to all them there crayons?" 

Shorts 

• About all you can get with a nickel these days is heads or tails.
• Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
• Money used to talk. Then it whispered. Now it just sneaks off.
• Baseball — what a great job! Where else would a .250 efficiency rate get you a $10 million raise?
• Have you ever been tempted to call a maternity ward and ask if the deliver?