SAMMY BALDWIN

We lost one of our own last night.  Sammy Baldwin died last night of a heart attack.  We will miss him very much.  If or when anyone finds out about arrangements for him, please let some of us  know and we will post them on the blog. 

CHICKEN RECIPE YOU MIGHT LIKE

Sheet-pan recipe an easy chicken dinner . Sheet pan: Meet spotlight. 

Sheet-Pan Supper 2 lemons 2 tablespoons olive oil, plus more for pan 1 'cup' pitted olives, spicy or not 8 cloves garlic, peeled and left whole 2 teaspoons fresh thyme leaves or 2 sprigs fresh thyme 6 chicken thighs (about 3 pounds), bone-in, skin-on 2 teaspoons kosher salt 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper Heat oven to 425 degrees. Slice points off lemons. Cut into 1/3-inch thick slices. Quarter each slice. Toss with 1 tablespoon olive oil, the olives, garlic and thyme. Lightly oil a rimmed baking sheet. Toss chicken with the remaining 1 tablespoon olive oil, plus the salt and pepper. Spread out chicken, skin-side down, on the pan. Slide into a 425-degree oven and let roast, 25 minutes. Scatter on the lemon and olives mixture. Continue roasting until chicken skin is crispy brown and flesh is tender.  About 20 minutes more. Makes 3 servings.

ALEXA AND THE ECONOMY

Amazon marks "biggest" holiday season with lots of Alexa The company's voice-activated devices are everywhere this year.  

The Echo Dot was a best-seller this holiday season.  Amazon seems to be having little trouble getting Alexa into people's homes. The giant e-tailer said on Tuesday it had sold "tens of millions of Alexa-enabled devices" around the world during the holiday season, making it the voice-activated digital assistant's best yet. The Echo Dot, a hockey-puck-shaped smart speaker, was the best-selling Amazon device during the holiday season and "the best-selling product from any manufacturer in any category across all of Amazon," the e-tailer said. Amazon, which said this year marked its "biggest holiday season," also reported sharp growth in its services. More than four million people started free Prime trials or bought memberships to the two-day shipping service in one week alone, the company said. The growth of Alexa devices buttresses Amazon's lead in the smart speaker market, where Google and Apple both want to make their mark. In addition to Amazon products, Alexa is being built into a host of other products , including cars , phones and DVR s. As is typical, Amazon's press release was light on hard numbers. Still, the holiday season appeared to be merry for Amazon, with small businesses and entrepreneurs receiving orders for "more than one billion items," a record. The company also listed its Amazon Music holiday earworms, reporting " Christmas " by Michael Bublé was the most played album during the season and " All I want for Christmas is You " by Mariah Carey was the most streamed holiday song. 'Alexa, be more human' : Inside Amazon's effort to make its voice assistant smarter, chattier and more like you. 

JUST A FEW LAUGHS

The New Shawl
I've always wanted a beautiful shawl to wear with my winter dresses. So when I opened the present from my sister Wanda, and saw that it was a white-and-silver shawl, I squealed in delight. "I love it!" I told Wanda that evening. "I wore it all morning." "You wore it?" she asked, smiling. "It's a skirt for the Christmas tree."

New Year's Observations

• A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
• My New Year's resolution is 1080p.
• I have only one resolution: to rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have. Happy New Year!
• May all your troubles last as long as your New Year's resolutions.
• Every year I make a resolution to change myself -- this year I'm making a resolution to be myself!
• New Year's is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.

Grandparents' Answering Machine

"Good morning. At present we are not available, but please select from the following menu items:

•  If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.
•  If you need us to stay with the children, press 2
•  If you want to borrow the car, press 3
•  If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4
•  If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5
•  If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6
•  If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7
•  If you want to come to eat here, press 8
•  If you need money, press 9
•  If you are going to invite us to dinner or want to take us to the concert, start talking — we are listening." (Beeeeeeeep...)

HOW DO YOU CLEAN YOUR GAS STOVE

How to clean your gas cooktop with just a few supplies Even burnt-on gunk is no match for dish soap and a scrubber.  

How to clean your gas cooktop without harsh chemicals Marathon cooking sessions can leave your gas cooktop pretty gross. But cleaning a gas cooktop isn't as easy as just wiping down the surface. Here's how to safely and effectively clean your stovetop. Supplies Paper towels or lint-free cleaning cloths A big bowl or bucket Dish soap Dish gloves A gentle scrubber A spray bottle of water A toothbrush Glass cleaner.  How to clean your gas cooktop 1:59 Steps Make sure your cooktop is cool to the touch. Remove the grates that cover the burners. Check your cooktop manual to see if your grates are dishwasher safe; if so, clean them in there. Otherwise, wash them in hot, soapy water, rinse and let them dry completely. Newer gas cooktops have caps over the burners. Remove them, wash them in hot, soapy water, rinse and let them dry completely. Use a paper towel or cloth to wipe away any stray crumbs from the cooktop. If food is stuck around the burners' ignition, use a toothbrush to gently clear away any blockages. Squeeze a generous amount of dish soap into a big bowl or bucket, and fill it with hot water. Put on your dish gloves, dip your scrubber in the water and clean the cooktop surface. Make sure you're careful around the burners. Clean the burner knobs with the scrubber. Spray the surface down with clean water, and wipe it dry with a clean cloth or paper towel. Use a glass cleaner and paper towel or cloth to wipe down the control panel. After everything's dry, replace the burner caps and grates

IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY

MERRY

CHRISTMAS

CHRISTMAS EVE

On this Christmas Eve, all of us at the OIB project want to widh you all a very Merry Christmas.  We hope you have plenty of time to spend with those family and friends who are most important to you.  Always remember, though, that Jesus really is the reason for the season and without Him there would be no Christmas.  Hold your loved ones close to your heart and always be thankful.

 

Merry Christmas

ALEXA STILL GROWING

After a busy 2017, Alexa is still on top -- and still evolving. 

Smart assistants had a huge year -- and none more so than Alexa. Let's recap the last twelve months and take a look at where she might be headed next.  Amazon's voice-activated virtual assistant Alexa has been one of the most captivating stories in tech since her arrival back at the end of 2014 -- and 2017 was her busiest year yet. It all started at CES, where Alexa seemed to be everywhere you looked. Amazon didn't have an official presence at the show, but that hardly seemed to matter. We counted dozens of different Alexa announcements from a wide assortment of eager partners scattered throughout the sprawl, and by the end of the week, Alexa's presence was enough to dwarf both Siri and the Google Assistant on our smart home scoreboard . Enlarge Image Along with six new Echo devices from Amazon, 2017 brought us a huge variety of third-party Alexa gadgets.  It wasn't just the smart home, though. Ford announced that it was integrating Alexa into its cars. Huawei announced it was bringing the Alexa-equipped Mate 9 phone to the US. Dish Network showed off Alexa's ability to channel surf , foreshadowing more formalized entertainment controls that would arrive later in the year . Brand after brand seemed to see Alexa as a rising tide, and everyone wanted a boat in the harbor. That set the table for a year of rapid expansion. If 2016 proved that Alexa was more than just a flash in the pan, 2017 showed that Amazon was determined to act accordingly. Along with a flurry of new features, Amazon introduced six brand-new Alexa gadgets this year: the Echo Look selfie camera, the touchscreen-equipped Echo Show , the second-gen Amazon Echo , the Zigbee-enhanced Echo Plus , the Echo Connect home phone replacement and the alarm clock-esque Echo Spot . Amazon also made sure to release gadgets and accessories to complement Alexa, starting with Echo Buttons and the Cloud Cam . The message to the competition is clear: Catch us if you can. On the software side, Alexa stayed busy learning all sorts of new tricks. She learned how to use smart locks and how to control color-changing bulbs . She learned how to trigger multiple devices with a single command using routines . The battery-powered Amazon Tap bypassed its own button and learned to listen for your command. Alexa calling and messaging became a thing, along with Alexa notifications . Long-awaited, multi-room music playback finally made its debut. Matching Google, Alexa learned to distinguish between different voices (though, as we learned, it's possible to fool her ). The good with the bad That's not to say that everything was a hit. Despite topping 10,000 skills back in February , it still isn't clear that the user base actually cares all that much (if you're an Alexa user, ask yourself how many different skills you can name, then compare that with the number of smartphone apps that come to mind). It's similarly unclear if Alexa's calling and messaging feature is as much of a gamechanger as Amazon might have hoped . We also questioned (and still question) the utility of the touchscreen on the Echo Show and the Echo Spot, and want to see Amazon put more of an emphasis on justifying it with a more robust and content-rich visual interface in 2018. Calling, messaging, and intercom functionality came to Amazon's Echo devices in 2017 -- complete with questions about privacy.  What's clear is that Amazon has put itself in a position to throw a whole lot of ideas at us, then see which ones stick. That was sufficient in 2017 as we waited for the competition to catch up -- I'm less convinced that it's a winning strategy moving forward, with competitors potentially just a killer feature or two away from making Alexa look like yesterday's news. Alexa met her fair share of controversy in 2017, too. Most of it centered around questions of privacy. In March, following some intriguing back and forth with law enforcement, Amazon ultimately handed over the microphone recordings of a murder suspect's Amazon Echo , but only after the suspect granted his approval. In May, the makers of the Alexa-enabled touchscreen intercom system Nucleus alleged that Amazon had "probably copied us" when it made the Echo Show. Then in the summer, users realized that there was no way to block incoming callers on their Echo devices -- Amazon issued a mea culpa and patched the issue a month later . We also saw the first signs of monetization for Alexa's library of skills this year, with brands starting to find ways of injecting ads into your Alexa skills , or charging subscription fees for premium features . That might be an unfortunate inevitability as smart speakers become more and more ubiquitous, but it should still be interesting to see exactly how it plays out. There's the potential for a lot of money to be made, but the real fight is to win over new customers -- and no smart speaker is going to want to be known as "the one with ads.  

SELF DRIVING CAR DOING IT RIGHT

Self-driving Chevy Bolt bumps motorcycle in minor collision Surprise, surprise -- the autonomous car was ruled not at fault. by Andrew Krok December 20, 2017  

General Motors Autonomous-vehicle tech is still very new, and thus, extra scrutiny is given to any collision involving one. Well, there's a new crash in town, but it's not the robot's fault. Tucked away on the California Department of Motor Vehicles' website is a collision report from Dec. 7 , involving Cruise Automation's autonomous Chevrolet Bolt EV and a human on a motorcycle -- a 1996 Honda S90, if you're into that sort of thing. It happened at the corner of Oak St. and Fillmore St. in San Francisco.  Cruise Automation According to the report, the self-driving Bolt was operating in autonomous mode when it went to change lanes, from the center of a three lanes to the left. Its gap had begun to shrink, so it made its way back to its original lane. At that same time, a motorcycle was lane splitting between the left and center lanes, and the bike bumped the Bolt, wobbled and went down. The Bolt EV was traveling approximately 12 mph when the collision occurred, and Honda S90 was moving at about 17. The biker got up, walked his bike to the curb and the two parties exchanged numbers. Per Cruise policy, they called 911. The biker was eventually taken away to receive care for an alleged shoulder pain. The self-driving Bolt suffered a "long scuff" on its passenger side. Even though lane splitting is legal in California, the police determined that the biker was at fault "for attempting to overtake and pass another vehicle on the right under conditions that did not permit that movement in safety. "At Cruise, we test our self-driving cars in challenging and unpredictable environments precisely because by doing so we will get better, safer AV technology on the roads sooner," said a spokesperson for General Motors , which acquired Cruise in 2016, in an emailed statement. "In this case, the motorcyclist merged into our lane before it was safe to do so. One of the primary concerns in early self-driving cars is safety. There's almost always, if not always a human behind the wheel, ready to take over in case the car's computers get flummoxed. Waymo has seen its fair share of scraps, an overwhelming majority of which were due to impatient or otherwise negligent humans in other cars. The first time Waymo was ruled at fault in an accident was early 2016 , back when it was just another division of Google.  The autonomous Bolt EVs are assembled in Lake Orion, Michigan, where the standard Bolt EV is put together. 

A FEW CHRISTMAS LAUGHS

The Shepherd
The Sunday School teacher looked at the little boy's artful drawing of a manger scene. But then she spotted a large dog there among the animals. The teacher looked puzzled and asked the boy about it. "Oh," said the child, "That's a German Shepherd."

Toys For Boys

Darren remembers accompanying his father out shopping in the toy department one Christmas eve. Dad said, "What a marvelous train set. I'll buy it." The girl behind the counter looked pleased and said, "Great! I'm sure your son will really love it." Dad thought about it and replied, "Maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two."

Briefly

Research has determined that the shelf life of Christmas fruitcake is longer than that of the shelf.

GAME DAY UPDATE

Yesterday was a great day at WSB.  We had lots to eat, sang some Christmas songs, played some games, and we left with some neat Christmas bags of goodies.  Santa even put in an appearance.  It was good to see so many of you there.  Miss Helen was not there as she was under the weather and we missed her.  I’m sure she would appreciate your prayers.  At any rate, we had a good time and enjoyed one another’s company.  If you were unable to attend we hope you will be able to come to our next event.  Christmas is coming up soon so we hope you will have a good time with family and friends. 

 

MERRY

               CHRISTMAS

GIVE SOME EXTRA THOUGHT TO YOUR HOUSE PLANTS

It's true that several common houseplants are indeed toxic to children and pets. So the next question you might ask yourself is: would you pay for beauty at any cost?  

You might like to brighten up your home office or window sills with colorful flowers and hardy, inspiring greenery. If you're like most people, though, you might not always pay attention to which plants could pose dangers in your home. It's true that several common houseplants are indeed toxic to children and pets. So the next question you might ask yourself is: would you pay for beauty at any cost? Before you decide, look at these harmful houseplants that are hiding something behind their pretty petals. 1. Dumb cane This plant will make you speechless, and not necessarily in the way you'd like. Although dumb cane is beautiful with its wide leaves and yellow or cream splotches, you shouldn't let it fool you. It got its nickname because it will literally inhibit your speech. THE DEBATE ON FERTILITY SUPPLEMENTS: DO THEY HELP? The plant has little needle-shaped crystals all over it called raphides. These raphides protect the plant from predators but are irritating for humans and animals. If you get any of its sap inside your mouth, it can cause your tongue to swell, possibly blocking the way for breathing. While its beauty might be tempting, reach for another plant to protect your weaker (and no less sweeter) family members. If you do ingest some of the sap, you might experience: intense burning, mouth pain, irritation of the surrounding mouth or lips, tongue swelling, excessive drooling in pets, gasping and difficulty breathing or swallowing. 2. Oleander Many houseplants are only poisonous in large doses, but oleander doesn't make that list. People like using this flowering shrub both indoors and outdoors because of its colorful, funnel-shaped blooms and plant hardiness. On the other hand, every part of an oleander plant is toxic to humans and pets. It's so toxic, in fact, that even honey made from it can pose dangers. While you might take your chances with more mildly poisonous plants, this one's not worth the wager. Symptoms if ingested include skin rash, nausea/vomiting, diarrhea, irregular heartbeat, low blood pressure, fainting or general weakness, headache, dizziness, or drowsiness. If you or a loved one happens to consume this poisonous plant, you will need emergency medical attention. 3. Calla lily You might be surprised to know that plants with the name lily attached usually have some level of toxicity. Calla lilies make no exception, although this pretty Easter plant isn't a true lily. These flowers have dangerous calcium oxalates that make nearly every part toxic to humans and animals. Oxalates may also cause mouth burning, swelling, irritation, and difficulty swallowing. 4. Easter lily True to their siblings, Easter lilies are highly toxic, especially to cats. Cat owners, you simply do not want these around the house. Easter lilies don't miss the mark in beauty, though. Their lovely greenery and towering, often pure white trumpet bulbs will give your indoor garden a pleasant spring grandeur. FENDING OFF TOXIC MOLD SYNDROME However, as said before, just one or two leaves can prove fatal to your feline friends. Specifically, the toxins in the plant can cause severe kidney damage and kidney failure in cats. Symptoms for cats include decreased appetite, vomiting, diarrhea, lack of urination, lethargy or depression. In humans, worrisome symptoms include stomach pains, vomiting, diarrhea, blurred vision or weakness. In either case, you should get medical help for the victim immediately. 5. Daffodils These friendly flowers bring you the bright sunshine in flower form. Its yellow or white petals may brighten up any field, but it won't agree with your stomach that well. Why would anyone eat a daffodil? You might be wondering. But many people have mistakenly used daffodil bulbs in place of onions, and the bulbs have the most concentrated amount of lycorine, a toxic chemical. According to the National Capital Poison Center , the chemical doesn't usually cause fatality unless it's consumed in large amounts. Symptoms include the usual nausea, vomiting, stomach pain and diarrhea. More concerning symptoms might include low blood pressure and drowsiness in animals or throat pain and difficulty swallowing in humans. Not-So Honorable Mentions 6. Philodendrons This plant group is widely used as a houseplant for its pleasant deep green color and relatively low maintenance. It makes a nice touch to any bookshelf or table display. However, philodendrons do contain the nasty calcium oxalate, causing burning, mouth irritation, tongue swelling, vomiting and diarrhea. Philodendrons will cause the most irritation in large quantities; so curious toddlers and pets are the most at risk. 7. English ivy Finally, many people love the beauty and versatility of English ivy in their homes. It makes a picturesque hanging basket of spilling greenery or adorning trellis of climbing leaves.  In large amounts, though, English ivy can cause stomach upset in small children and pets who don't know better than to taste it. Symptoms include skin rash, burning, mouth or throat irritation and fever. While you can use most houseplants for decoration without fear, you should read up on the ones you're looking to buy first. Several can be extremely or mildly toxic, especially to small bodies like children and pets. Once you've done your research and steered clear from the first plants on this list, you can enjoy your indoor plants to the fullest--without worrying about any lurking dangers. 

GAME DAY

Remember, tomorrow is game day.  We are looking forward to lots of fun and fellowship so don’t forget.  There will be snacks and drinks to enjoy.  If you are coming you should already be signed up so be ready for all the fun.  Remember, it begins at 1:00 o’clock.  See you there and:

 

            MERRY

                 CHRISTMAS

 

TECHNOLOGY AND BLIND ACCESS

The Blind Can Participate in Worship and Bible Study. 

Susan Povinelli and her husband Larry are members of Lamb of God in Madison, Alabama. Her article was originally published in the church's special ministries publication His Hands on May 5, 2017, and can be found in its online version here: https://wels.net/the-blind-can-participate-in-worship-and-bible-study/ . Many blind people struggle with the way to be active in the parts of their church service that involve reading: Bible verses, hymns, and leading in readings to the congregation. Some of us have felt the discomfort that comes from being passive, but others have been more proactive and have found ways to participate fully. Here is just such an example: As a sighted child I can remember flipping through The Lutheran Hymnal during church. As my eyesight began to deteriorate during my college years, I had to find other ways to read the hymnal and devotional materials. For many years I received meditations and sermons on cassettes produced by the volunteers of our WELS Mission to the Visually Impaired (MVI). But studying the Bible using a cassette tape was extremely difficult because you could not easily jump between books, chapters, and verses. Then I began using a device called the Victor Reader Stream. This device allows me to quickly and efficiently move between Bible books, chapters, and verses.  Today I am able to download countless Bible applications to my iPhone. The iPhone is completely accessible to a blind person because of its VoiceOver feature, which allows a blind person to translate printed words into speech. Our own Northwestern Publishing House is e-publishing most of its books, such as the People's Bible series, and they can be bought at the Kindle store. In addition, I am able to read Forward in Christ and other periodicals through the wels.net website or using the WELS app. For the price of a subscription, I am able to enjoy daily devotions through the Meditations app. A free option is to sign up for daily email devotions at wels.net/subscribe . Most worship materials are also accessible using my iPhone. Since our worship folders and the majority of our pastor's Bible studies are available electronically, he sends me these materials via email. I can access them through my iPhone by connecting a Braille display or listen audibly through a headphone. This enables me to participate fully in worship and Bible study. Finally, there are many scanning applications that can take a picture of a printed page and convert it into different formats, such as PDF, Word, Text, etc. This software will read the converted page on your smart phone. The number one application, which was developed by the blind, for the blind, is the KNFB Reader Application. Go to knfbreader.com for more information. As the population ages and their vision decreases, congregations should accommodate all visually impaired people so that they can fully participate in worship and Bible study. For those who have some vision and don't read Braille, Northwestern Publishing House has Christian Worship : A Lutheran Hymnal available in large print. In addition, your church secretary can print out a few worship folders in a large font (fourteen-point or greater). With modern technology, which is not difficult to learn, and pastors willing to work with visually impaired congregants, there is no reason why a blind person cannot participate fully in worship or Bible study. As technology improves, blind people will have more and more information readily available to them. To God be the glory for such advancements! . 

SOME RECIPE SUGESTIONS

RECIPES

Holiday Honey Treats.  Ingredients: 1 'cup' honey 1-1/2 'cup's powdered milk 1 'cup' peanut butter 1-1/2 'cup's wheat germ 1 teaspoon nutmeg Crushed wheat flakes Method: Mix everything together except wheat flakes. Shape into small balls. Roll in crushed wheat flakes. Makes 20 balls or more. 

Eclair Cake.  Ingredients Filling 3 3.5-ounce boxes instant vanilla pudding 3 'cup's milk 1 8-ounce container Cool Whip Graham crackers Topping 1/3 'cup' cocoa 1 'cup' sugar 1/4 'cup' milk 1 stick butter 1 teaspoon vanilla Method: Combine pudding mix and milk, beat. Stir in Cool Whip. Place a layer of graham crackers in bottom of thirteen-by-nine-inch dish. Spread half of the filling mixture on top. Repeat with another layer of graham crackers, add rest of filling, top with final layer of graham crackers. For topping: bring cocoa, milk, and butter to a rolling boil for a full minute, stirring frequently. Remove from heat, cool one minute. Add butter and vanilla; stir till butter is melted. Pour topping over graham crackers and refrigerate.

2018 SOCIAL SECURITY BENEFITS

Social Security, SSI, and Medicare Facts for 2018.  

In 2018 approximately 65 million Americans will see a cost-of-living adjustment (COLA) increase of 2 percent in their benefit amounts. Thus, come January, monthly checks will be a few dollars higher. The 2018 amounts appear below along with some concepts which are always good to know about the Social Security and Medicare programs if you want to understand your rights. The COLA adjustment (if any) is based upon the consumer price index (CPI-W), which measures the inflationary rate against the wages earned by the approximately 173 million workers across the nation over the previous four quarters starting with the third quarter of the previous year. Okay, here are the numbers: Tax Rates FICA and Self-Employment Tax Rates: If you have a job, you know that you do not bring home everything you earn. For example, 7.65 percent of your pay is deducted to cover your contribution to the Old Age, Survivors, and Disability Insurance (OASDI) Trust Fund and the Medicare Hospital Insurance (HI) Trust Fund. Specifically, 6.20 percent covers OASDI, and 1.45 percent is contributed to the HI Trust Fund. Additionally, your employer is required to match this 7.65 percent for a total of 15.30 percent. For those who are self-employed, there is no "employer" to match the 7.65 percent. Thus, a self-employed individual pays the entire 15.30 percent of her income. These numbers will not change in 2018 whether an individual is employed or self-employed. As of January 2013, individuals with earned income of more than $200,000 ($250,000 for married couples filing jointly) pay an additional 0.9 percent in Medicare taxes, not including the above amounts. Maximum Taxable Earnings For the OASDI Trust Fund, there is a ceiling on taxable earnings, which was $127,200 per year in 2017 and will jump to $128,700 in 2018. Thus, for earnings above $128,700, there is no 6.20 percent deducted for OASDI. As for Medicare, there is no limit on taxable earnings for the HI Trust Fund. Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) Quarters of Coverage I always like to compare the OASDI Trust Fund to an insurance policy. You have to pay a premium to participate. Therefore, to qualify for Retirement, Survivors, or Disability Insurance benefits, an individual must pay a minimum amount of FICA taxes into the OASDI Trust Fund by earning a sufficient number of calendar quarters to become fully insured for Social Security benefits. In 2017 credit for one quarter of coverage was awarded for any individual who earned at least $1,300 during the year, which means that an individual would have needed to earn at least $5,200 to be credited with four quarters of coverage. In 2018 the amount increases to $1,320 for one calendar quarter or $5,280 to earn four quarters of coverage for the year. A maximum of four quarters can be awarded for any calendar year, and it makes no difference when the income is earned during that year. Basically, the taxes you pay into the OASDI and HI Trust Funds are your premiums to participate in the Social Security and Medicare programs. The total number of quarters required to be eligible for benefits depends on the individual's age. The older the individual, the more quarters are required. Furthermore, a higher average income during an individual's lifetime means a higher Social Security or SSDI check when benefits start. Remember the above quoted numbers for quarters of coverage to become fully insured are only minimum amounts. Trial Work Period (TWP) This concept is often misunderstood. The amount of earnings required to use a trial work month is based not upon the earnings limit for blind beneficiaries, but rather upon the national average wage index. In 2017, the amount required to use a TWP month was only $840, and this amount will increase to $850 in 2018. If you are self-employed, you can also use a trial work month if you work more than eighty hours in your business, and this limitation will not change unless expressly adjusted. Substantial Gainful Activity (SGA) The earnings limit for a blind beneficiary in 2017 was $1,950 per month and will rise to $1,970 in 2018. Remember this is not the TWP amount. This is to say that the TWP can be exhausted even if your income is well below $1,970 per month. See the above information about the TWP. In 2018 a blind SSDI beneficiary who earns $1,971 or more in a month (before taxes but after subtracting unincurred business expenses for the self-employed, subsidized income for the employed, and impairment-related work expenses for both) will be deemed to have exceeded SGA and will likely no longer be eligible for benefits. Social Security Benefit Amounts In January of 2018, the average amount of SSDI benefits for a disabled worker is estimated to rise by about $24 to $1,197. Pursuant to the Social Security Act, a cost-of-living adjustment occurs automatically when there is an increase in inflation as measured by the Consumer Price Index for Urban Wage Earners and Clerical Workers (CPI-W). The CPI-W indicated an inflationary rate of 2.0 percent between the third quarter of 2016 and the third quarter of 2017. Thus, there is a corresponding COLA increase in 2018 and an increase in monthly benefit amounts. Supplemental Security Income (SSI) The federal payment amount for individuals receiving SSI in 2017 was $735 and will increase to $750 in 2018, and the federal monthly payment amount of SSI received by couples will rise from $1,103 to $1,125. Student Earned Income Exclusion In 2017 the monthly amount was $1,790 and will increase to $1,820 in 2018. The annual amount was $7,200 and will be $7,350 in 2018. The asset limits under the SSI program will remain unchanged at $2,000 per individual and $3,000 per couple. ABLE Act Signed on December 19, 2014, the ABLE Act will have a significant impact on resource limits associated with the SSI and Medicaid programs for those who were blind or disabled by the age of twenty-six. Traditionally, SSI beneficiaries have been required to adhere to strict resource limits such as a maximum of $2,000 in the bank for an individual receiving SSI benefits. Under the ABLE Act, however, the amount on deposit in an ABLE Account can be much higher. ABLE Account contributions must be designated specifically for purposes such as education, housing (with a cautionary warning to follow), employment training and support, assistive technology, health, prevention and wellness, financial management, legal fees, and funeral and burial expenses. The required implementing regulations are being enacted in most states. Check with your financial institution of choice for a status of ABLE Act regulations in a specific state. As to the warning about ABLE Account contributions for housing, it is important to note that SSI beneficiaries may still face the traditional $2,000 resource limit for ABLE Account funds designated for housing. Thus, SSI beneficiaries should consider the many other purposes not subject to the traditional resource limits when making ABLE Account contributions. Because there are also tax advantages associated with ABLE accounts, both SSDI and SSI beneficiaries should consult a financial advisor about establishing an ABLE Account. Medicare At this writing, the Department of Health and Human Services has not released updated information regarding deductibles, coinsurance amounts, and premiums for 2018. Updated Medicare information will be provided in an upcoming issue of the Braille Monitor . But for illustrative purposes, here are details regarding the numbers from 2016 compared to 2017. Medicare Deductibles and Coinsurance: Medicare Part A coverage provides hospital insurance to most Social Security beneficiaries. The coinsurance amount is the hospital charge to a Medicare beneficiary for any hospital stay. Medicare then pays the hospital charges above the beneficiary's coinsurance amount. The Part A hospital inpatient deductible was $1,288 in 2016 and increased to $1,316 in 2017. The coinsurance charged for hospital services within a benefit period of no longer than sixty days was $0 in 2016. From the sixty-first day through the ninetieth day, the daily coinsurance amount was $322 per day in 2016 and rose slightly to $329 in 2017. Each Medicare beneficiary has sixty lifetime reserve days that may be used after a ninety-day benefit period has ended. Once used, these reserve days are no longer available after any benefit period. The coinsurance amount paid during each reserve day used in 2016 was $644 and in 2017 was $658. Part A of Medicare pays all covered charges for services in a skilled nursing facility for the first twenty days following a three-day in-hospital stay within a benefit period. From the twenty-first day through the one hundredth day in a benefit period, the Part A daily coinsurance amount for services received in a skilled nursing facility was $161 for 2016 and rose just slightly to $164.50 in 2017. Most Social Security beneficiaries have no monthly premium charge for Medicare Part A coverage. Those who become ineligible for SSDI can continue to receive Medicare Part A coverage premium-free for at least ninety-three months after the end of a trial work period. After that time the individual may purchase Part A coverage. The premium rate for this coverage during 2016 was $411 monthly and increased to $413 in 2017. The annual deductible amount for Medicare Part B (medical insurance) in 2016 was $166 and rose to $183 in 2017. The Medicare Part B monthly premium rate for 2016 was $121.80 per month and rose to $134 in 2017. For those receiving Social Security benefits, this premium payment is deducted from your monthly benefit check. Individuals who remain eligible for Medicare but are not receiving Social Security benefits due to work activity must directly pay the Part B premium quarterly-one payment every three months. Like the Part A premiums mentioned above, Part B is also available for at least ninety-three months following the trial work period, assuming an individual wishes to have it and, when not receiving SSDI, continues to make quarterly premium payments. Programs That Help with Medicare Deductibles and Premiums: Low-income Medicare beneficiaries may qualify for assistance through four Medicare Savings Programs. We will discuss three of them here and leave the fourth one alone because (to qualify for it each year) you must already be on it, and you know who you are. Note: the amounts below may change in 2018. We begin with the Qualified Medicare Beneficiary program (QMB) and the Specified Low-Income Medicare Beneficiary program (SLMB). To qualify for the QMB program in 2017, an individual's monthly income could not exceed $1,025, and a married couple's monthly income could not exceed $1,374. To qualify for the SLMB program in 2017, an individual's monthly income could not exceed $1,226, and a married couple's monthly income could not exceed $1,644. Both the QMB and SLMB programs are administered by the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services in conjunction with the states. The rules vary from state to state, but the following can be said: As of 2017, resources (such as bank accounts or stocks) could not exceed $7,390 for one person or $11,090 per couple. Under the QMB program, states are required to pay the Medicare Part A (Hospital Insurance) and Part B (Medical Insurance) premiums, deductibles, and coinsurance expenses for Medicare beneficiaries who meet the program's income and resource requirements. Under the SLMB program, states pay only the full Medicare Part B monthly premium. Eligibility for the SLMB program may be retroactive for up to three calendar months. The third program, known as the Qualified Disabled and Working Individuals (QDWI) Program, pays Part A premiums only and has resource limits of $4,000 for one person and $6,000 for a married couple. As to these programs, resources are generally things you own. However, not everything is counted. Examples of things that don't count include the house you live in, one car, a burial plot (or $1,500 put aside for burial expenses), and furniture. If you qualify for assistance under the QMB program, you will not have to pay the following: Medicare's hospital deductible amount, the daily coinsurance charges for extended hospital and skilled nursing facility stays; the Medicare Part B (Medical Insurance) premium, the annual Part B deductible; and the coinsurance for services covered by Medicare Part B, depending on which doctor you go to (these services include doctor services, outpatient therapy, and durable medical equipment). If you qualify for assistance under the SLMB program, you will be responsible for the payment of all of the items listed above except for the monthly Part B premium, depending on your circumstances. If you think you qualify but you have not filed for Medicare Part A, contact Social Security to find out if you need to file an application. Further information about filing for Medicare is available from your local Social Security office or Social Security's toll-free number (800) 772-1213. Remember that only your state can decide if you are eligible for help from the QMB or SLMB program and also that the income and resource levels listed here are general guidelines, with some states choosing greater amounts. Therefore, if you are elderly or disabled, have low income and very limited assets, and are a Medicare beneficiary, contact your state or local Medicaid office (referred to in some states as the public aid office or the public assistance office) to apply. For more information about either program, call the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) on its toll-free number (800) 633-4227, or visit Medicare.gov . . 

A FEW CHISTMAS FUNNIES

Noel
My son, a kindergartener learning to read, was enjoying the Christmas lights as we drove around checking out the beautiful decorations. Noticing one display in a yard, he promptly spelled out the letters, "N-O-E-L" and asked what word it was. "Noel," I matter-of-factly replied. Back came an exasperated reply, "But, Mom, if there's no 'L,' then what does it spell?"

Christmas Presents

When my son, Terrence, was four years old, he piqued everyone's interest when he placed a childishly wrapped package under the tree for each family member. On Christmas morning, Terrence looked on with joy and expectation as we opened his gifts. There were exclamations of "I thought I'd lost that!" and "So that's where that went!" When we asked Terrence why he had wrapped our favorite items, he replied, "Because I knew it was something you would really want!"

The Omission

After turning ninety, Marie found that shopping for Christmas gifts had become too difficult, so she decided to send checks to everyone instead. She wrote "Buy your own present" on each card and mailed them early. Marie enjoyed the usual flurry to family festivities. Only after Christmas did she get around to clearing off her cluttered desk. There, under a stack of papers, she was horrified to find the gift checks, which she had forgotten to enclose with her cards.

The Contestant

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and was about to answer the final question, worth 500 points! "To be today's champion," the show's smiling host said, "name two of Santa's reindeer." The contestant gave a sigh of relief, gratified that he had drawn such an easy question. "Rudolph!" he said confidently, "and...Olive!" The confused host replied, "Yes, we'll accept Rudolph, but could you please explain 'Olive'?" "You know," the man said, and began to sing: "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose. And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. 'Olive,' the other reindeer..."

FINAL GAME DAY REMINDER

We will be having a game day on Tuesday the 19^th at 1:00 o’clock at WSB.  We will have snacks and drinks as well.  We always have a fun time and some good fellowship at these events so we hope many of you will be able to attend.  If you plan to attend please sign up with Shelly and if you need transportation be sure and let her know that as soon as possible.

 

Shelly’s number is

501-664-7100

 

 

A SOLDIER AND CHRISTMAS

very good

 

  TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS,

    HE LIVED ALL ALONE,

    IN A ONE BEDROOM HOUSE MADE OF

    PLASTER AND STONE.
 

  I HAD COME DOWN THE CHIMNEY

    WITH PRESENTS TO GIVE,

    AND TO SEE JUST WHO

    IN THIS HOME DID LIVE.

   
  I LOOKED ALL ABOUT,

    A STRANGE SIGHT I DID SEE,

    NO TINSEL, NO PRESENTS,

    NOT EVEN A TREE.

   
  NO STOCKING BY MANTLE,

    JUST BOOTS FILLED WITH SAND,

    ON THE WALL HUNG PICTURES

    OF FAR DISTANT LANDS.


    WITH MEDALS AND BADGES,

    AWARDS OF ALL KINDS,

    A SOBER THOUGHT

    CAME THROUGH MY MIND.

   
  FOR THIS HOUSE WAS DIFFERENT,

    IT WAS DARK AND DREARY,

    I FOUND THE HOME OF A SOLDIER,

    ONCE I COULD SEE CLEARLY.

   
  THE SOLDIER LAY SLEEPING,

    SILENT, ALONE,

    CURLED UP ON THE FLOOR

    IN THIS ONE BEDROOM HOME.

 
  THE FACE WAS SO GENTLE,

    THE ROOM IN SUCH DISORDER,

    NOT HOW I PICTURED

    A UNITED STATES SOLDIER.

   
  WAS THIS THE HERO

    OF WHOM I'D JUST READ?

    CURLED UP ON A PONCHO,

    THE FLOOR FOR A BED?

   
  I REALIZED THE FAMILIES

    THAT I SAW THIS NIGHT,

    OWED THEIR LIVES TO THESE SOLDIERS

    WHO WERE WILLING TO FIGHT.

   
  SOON ROUND THE WORLD,

    THE CHILDREN WOULD PLAY,

    AND GROWNUPS WOULD CELEBRATE

    A BRIGHT CHRISTMAS DAY.

   
  THEY ALL ENJOYED FREEDOM

    EACH MONTH OF THE YEAR,

    BECAUSE OF THE SOLDIERS,

    LIKE THE ONE LYING HERE.

   
  I COULDN'T HELP WONDER

    HOW MANY LAY ALONE,

    ON A COLD CHRISTMAS EVE

    IN A LAND FAR FROM HOME.

   
  THE VERY THOUGHT

    BROUGHT A TEAR TO MY EYE,

    I DROPPED TO MY KNEES

    AND STARTED TO CRY.

   
  THE SOLDIER AWAKENED

    AND I HEARD A ROUGH VOICE,

    "SANTA DON'T CRY,

    THIS LIFE IS MY CHOICE;

   
  I FIGHT FOR FREEDOM,

    I DON'T ASK FOR MORE,

    MY LIFE IS MY GOD,

    MY COUNTRY, MY CORPS."


  THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER

    AND DRIFTED TO SLEEP,

    I COULDN'T CONTROL IT,

    I CONTINUED TO WEEP.
 

  I KEPT WATCH FOR HOURS,

    SO SILENT AND STILL

    AND WE BOTH SHIVERED

    FROM THE COLD NIGHT'S CHILL.
 

  I DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE

    ON THAT COLD, DARK, NIGHT,

    THIS GUARDIAN OF HONOR

    SO WILLING TO FIGHT.


  THEN THE SOLDIER ROLLED OVER,

    WITH A VOICE SOFT AND PURE,

    WHISPERED, "CARRY ON SANTA,

    IT'S CHRISTMAS DAY, ALL IS SECURE."
 

  ONE LOOK AT MY WATCH,

    AND I KNEW HE WAS RIGHT.

    "MERRY CHRISTMAS MY FRIEND,

    AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT."

GAME DAY REMINDER

We will be having a game day on Tuesday the 19^th at 1:00 o’clock at WSB.  We will have snacks and drinks as well.  We always have a fun time and some good fellowship at these events so we hope many of you will be able to attend.  If you plan to attend please sign up with Shelly and if you need transportation be sure and let her know that as soon as possible.

 

Shelly’s number is

501-664-7100

 

 

Apple may bring back the metal casing for a 2018 iPhone This would be a departure from the new glass backing in the iPhone X and iPhone 8. by Gordon Gottsegen December 7, 2017. 

Although Apple introduced a glass backing for the iPhone 8 , iPhone 8 Plus and iPhone X , Apple may be taking a step back for the 2018 iPhone. Apple is reportedly working on a 6.1-inch LCD iPhone with a metal casing, according to Nikkei Asian Review . This design choice could give the future iPhone a body that's more like the iPhone 7 than the iPhone 8. The report goes on to say that Apple could release three new iPhones next year: the 6.1-inch LCD iPhone, a 5.8-inch OLED iPhone and a 6.3-inch OLED iPhone. Of the three possible iPhones, the report only mentions that the 6.1-inch iPhone could get the metal backing. This mirrors earlier rumors from KGI analyst Ming-Chi Kuo, who claimed Apple may release three iPhones in 2018 . He proposed that although the three iPhones may get the same full-screen design as the iPhone X, only two would get the X's OLED display, while the third may stick to an LCD display. Kuo's prediction was that the two OLED iPhones may serve as the new iPhone and iPhone Plus models, while the LCD device may act as a more affordable option. But what's up with the metal casing? From the iPhone 5 to the iPhone 7, Apple's phones have sported a piece of metal as the rear casing, but the iPhone 8 and iPhone X changed things up by using a glass backing. This move was seen as an attempt to facilitate wireless charging, a new feature for the 2017 iPhones. If the 2018 iPhone switches back to a metal casing the potential for wireless charging is unclear. On the other hand, one benefit of a metal backing is durability. Drop tests have shown that the glass backing on iPhone X is especially susceptible to cracks. Add the fact that the iPhone X is costly to repair without AppleCare and you have an expensive accident just waiting to happen.  It didn't take much to break the iPhone X.  Does the idea of a cheaper metal LCD iPhone interest you? Or are premium features like OLED screens and wireless charging the reason you buy new iPhones? Apple did not immediately respond to a request for comment on this story. 

IPHONE BATTERIES

Next year's iPhone batteries look like they're getting bigger A new report suggests Apple's iPhone battery capacities are on the rise, mirroring the iPhone X. Will it mean better battery life? by Scott Stein December 8, 2017.  

Will the next iPhone X have a better battery?  The latest iPhones do a lot of amazing things, but they're mostly the same old story when it comes to battery life. Maybe 2018 will be the year when Apple's batteries will see some improvement. A new report from respected industry analyst Ming-Chi Kuo at KGI Securities says that the next trio of iPhones coming in 2018 will all have larger L-shaped batteries inside, just like the iPhone X . Battery capacities could be as high as 3,000 mAh, 9to5Mac reports . That could mean a boost in iPhone battery life in 2018, but keep in mind that the iPhone X already has a battery capacity of 2,716 mAh based on teardowns , and we found its effective battery life isn't significantly better than previous iPhones in tests. Larger batteries could be included to drive larger displays (reported to be 5.8, 6.1 and 6.5 inches) and Face ID, which is also reported to be in all three phones . And, possibly, a more powerful processor, or maybe a TrueDepth camera on the rear as well as the front. It would be great to see better battery life in iPhones. We'll see what happens next year. 

GAME DAY

We will be having a game day on Tuesday the 19^th at 1:00 o’clock at WSB.  We will have snacks and drinks as well.  We always have a fun time and some good fellowship at these events so we hope many of you will be able to attend.  If you plan to attend please sign up with Shelly and if you need transportation be sure and let her know that as soon as possible.

 

Shelly’s number is

501-664-7100

 

 

FUNNIES WITH MAYBE ONE SERIOUS ONE THROWN IN

Goodbye Kiss
Shortly before Christmas, a business man was anxious to get home. The business trip had been grueling and he was not in a particularly good mood. The airport loudspeakers blared Christmas carols he was sick of hearing. He thought their decorations were tacky. The worst decoration, he thought, was the plastic mistletoe hung over the luggage scale. Being in a grumpy mood, he said to the woman at the counter, "You know, even if I weren't married, I wouldn't kiss you." "That's not what it's there for," said the attendant. "It's so your can kiss your luggage goodbye."

Best Cupcakes Ever

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law for Christmas dinner. As he arrived at their house he found his young nephew, Mikey, helping them bake some cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Mikey to put the icing on. When the boy had finished, he brought them to the table. "The cupcakes look delicious, Mike." his uncle said. He took a bite and said, "Mikey these are so good." As he finished cupcake and took another, he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Mikey," his uncle said. "How did you get the icing so neat?" His nephew replied, "It was easy. I just licked them." The uncle turned pale. He pointed to the plate of cupcakes. "You licked all of these?" Mikey replied, "Well, no. After a while my tongue got tired, so I got the dog to help."

Shorts

• Christmas is in my heart twelve months a year and thanks to credit cards, it's on my Visa card statement twelve months a year also.
• A pastor asked his Bible class, "Why was Jesus born in Bethlehem?" A young student replied, "Because his mother was there."
• Three phrases that have come to sum up Christmas (for better or worse) are: "Peace on Earth," "Goodwill to Men" and "Batteries Not Included."
• "Where did I say that you should buy so much stuff to celebrate My birthday!?"

Who Started This?

A woman was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable, and after hours of hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally made it to the elevator with her two kids. She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of the year — overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, make sure we don't forget anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sent us a card. Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car. She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and blurted out, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up, and shot." From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet, calm voice respond, "Don't worry. We already crucified him."

GAME DAY

We will be having a game day on Tuesday the 19^th at 1:00 o’clock at WSB.  We will have snacks and drinks as well.  We always have a fun time and some good fellowship at these events so we hope many of you will be able to attend.  If you plan to attend please sign up with Shelly and if you need transportation be sure and let her know that as soon as possible.

 

Shelly’s number is

501-664-7100

 

 

DOLLAR GENERAL SPECIALS FOR THIS WEEK

Buying Groceries on a Budget

Dollar General Sale Dates Dec 3 to Dec 9, 2017

 

Clover Valley Sugar 4 lb or Veg Oil 48 oz $1.75 - .75 cent digital coupon = $1.00

Clover Valley Four All Purpose or Self Rising 5 lb $1.50 – .50 cents digital coupon =$1.00

Tyson Frozen Chicken 11-27 oz Asst Varieties $5.00

Ocean Spray Juice Cocktail or Clover Valley 100% Cranberry Juice 64 oz $2.00

Dinty Moore Beef Stew 20 oz $2.00; Campbell’s Soup Cream of Chicken or Mushroom 10.5 oz Regular$1.25 now .75 cents

Clover Valley Can Veg 14.5-15.25 Asst Varieties 2/$1.00 Must buy 2 to get discount price

Brand Name Honey Wheat Bread 16-24 oz Asst Varieties $2.00

Smithfield Breakfast Sausage Roll 16 oz $2.95; Smithfield Bacon 12 oz $3.95

A FEW THINGS TO LAUGH AT

Talented Dog
"Dad, I think the Smiths next door are angry at us." "Why is that?" "They're probably mad because our dog can retrieve the newspaper, and theirs can't." "How could you possibly know that? We don't even subscribe to the paper." "Yeah," the kid told his dad. "That's probably got something to do with it, too."

It's What She Heard

A ten-year-old was watching TV with her Grandma. The newscaster interrupted the program to announce the outcome of a political election. "More on candidates at 11pm," he said. The child exclaimed, "I didn't know they could call politicians 'morons' on national television!"

The Greeting

One night I woke myself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in my dream. As the next day came and went, I thought the nocturnal outburst was mine alone to remember. But that night, as my wife and I were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."

Dry Wit

A minister introduced a number of improvements in his church, including hot air dryers in the wash rooms. He had them removed after two weeks because someone had stuck a notice on one of them which read "For details of last week's sermon, please press here."

More Caffeine Needed

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

Shorts

• I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows...and a foundation leaks, and a ball game gets rained out, and a car rusts, and...
• People are funny. They spend money they don't have to buy things they don't need to impress people they don't like.
• I went shopping for cherries and microphone stands the other day. Bought a bing, bought a boom.
• I went to the bank and asked the clerk to check my balance. She leaned over and pushed me.

IPHONE SPECULATION

Apple applies for patent for a foldable phone Samsung expects to release a foldable phone in 2018. Is Apple next? by Xiomara Blanco November 27, 2017  

A foldable iPhone isn't impossible.  Apple recently applied for another patent for a phone with a foldable display and body .. While Samsung expects to release a foldable phone in 2018 , there is no indication Apple is planning to do something similar any time soon. The company has won patents for bendable phones with flexible displays in the past. However nothing, so far, has come to fruition. 

A FEW THINGS TO BRING A SMILE

Good Question 

A lady was looking for a turkey for her Thanksgiving dinner but couldn't find one big enough. She asked the store's stock boy, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?" "No, ma'am," he responded. "They're dead." 

Being Thankful 

The checkout clerk at the supermarket was unusually cheerful even though it was near closing time. "You must have picked up a ton of groceries today," a customer said to the checker. "How can you stay so pleasant?" "We can all count our blessings," the clerk replied. "The hardest part of this job is the turkeys and the watermelons. I just thank God that Thanksgiving doesn't come in July." 

Actual Interactions from the Butterball Help Line 

• When a Butterball staffer asked a caller what state her turkey was in (meaning how thawed was it) the caller said, "Florida."
• A disappointed woman called Butterball wondering why her turkey had no breast meat. After conversing with the operator, it became apparent that the woman's turkey was lying on the table upside-down.
• A man called to say he cut his turkey in half with a chain saw and wanted to know if the oil from the chain would adversely affect the turkey.

Recommendation for Thanksgiving Leftovers 

"Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out." 

(This recommendation is not endorsed by Shelia.) 

Who Am I? 

A big-time celebrity was doing a benefit at a senior citizens' home. He asked one of them, "Do you know who I am?" "No," she replied, "but you can do what we do — ask at the front desk and they can tell you."