LAUGHTER FOR THE SOUL

The Test
At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine's disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner's face or show concern. Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor. The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table to eat my pizza.

Amusing Resumé Blunders
(from Fortune Magazine)

• "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet pogroms."
• "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
• "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
• "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
• "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
• "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
• "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
• "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
• "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
• "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in Meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
• "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
• "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chainstore."
• "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers."
• "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."

Know-It-All

My 50-something friend Nancy and I decided to introduce her mother to the magic of the Internet. Our first move was to access the popular "Ask Jeeves" site, and we told her it could answer any question she had. Nancy's mother was very skeptical until Nancy said, "It's true, Mom. Think of something to ask it." As I sat with fingers poised over the keyboard, Nancy's mother thought a minute, then responded, "How is Aunt Helen feeling?"

Thoughts

• "404 File not found. Should I fake it (Y/N)?"
• Too many clicks spoil the browse.
• God gives and forgives. Man gets and forgets.

How Appropriate

Sign on the door of a church nursery quotes Paul in 1 Corinthians 15:51: "Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed."