What I've Learned
During their 50th anniversary wedding celebration at a banquet in their honor, my dad was asked to give a brief account of the benefits achieved from being married for so long. My father stood up, thought for a long moment, then said, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, meekness, forbearance, self-restraint, forgiveness, and...." he paused. "And?" someone cried out from the back of the room. "...and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" my father exclaimed. The room erupted in laughter.
So That's How It Works
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to study this stuff?" "To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture. A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted. "It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.
New Surgical Techniques
A family was on its way to the hospital where the 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride, the teenager and her parents talked about how the procedure would be performed. "Dad," the teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation, he said, "They're going to give you a phone."
Truths
- Some minds are like concrete — all mixed up and permanently set.
- Some people are wise. Some are otherwise.
- The advantage of exercising everyday is that you die healthier.
- The only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road you put the stuff.
- You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
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